30 Days of Thanks!

Not too long ago in counseling I was crying hysterically because large chucks of my day consist of my wishing I was with Stella (in heaven). My counselor told me to tell her my blessings. I said loudly in a very funny Shanna cry voice, "I dooooon't haaaaave annnny blessssings!" I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to laugh at me. If I wouldn't have been so heartbroken I probably wo...uld have laughed at myself. The truth is... my daughter died, yes. It is the worst pain that you could possible go through. Some days I want to die, some days hurt so bad that I can't think of anything but the pain, but I STILL have many blessings and many things to be thankful for. I'm starting this one day late, but I'll make up for yesterday:

11/1/2011: I am thankful that after 3 long years of infertility John and I conceived Stella. I am thankful for each and everyday of my pregnancy from the ones where I couldn't stop puking to the ones where I couldn't stop crying. And I thank God each and every day for giving me the opportunity to spend five amazing days with my daughter!

11/2/2011: I am thankful to be able to call the most amazing man I've ever known my husband! He is strong, sweet, loving, and the best daddy ever! ♥

11/3/2011: Today I am thankful for my seven rescued bubs...Precious, Zeppelin, Sammie, Magellan, Pumpkin, Carmella and Tony. I am sure that God brought us all together for a reason and I love them more than I can describe.

11/4/2011: I am so very thankful for an amazingly supportive family. I know I have a shoulder to lean on always. I'm especially thankful that my mom, Trav and I are so close. ♥

11/5/2011: Today I am thankful that if Stella can not be in my arms, that she is in our Lord Jesus Christ's arms. (9 months today... love you baby girl)

11/6/2011: Even though we have yet to meet her, she has yet to choose us, and baby may not even be conceived yet, I am incredibly thankful for our Birth Mother. I am thankful that she will choose life, I am thankful that she will do the most selfless thing a person can do, I am thankful that she will provide us with the baby that we so desperately want. ♥

11/7/2011: Today I am thankful that I did not have to drive to work in the dark!

11/8/2011: Today I am thankful for the beautiful friends that I have, all over the U.S. Friends who prayed for us while Stella and I were in the hospital. Friends who cried and morned with us when Stella passed. Friends who have helped me put my pieces back together. And friends who have shared in the joy of our adoption. You are all heaven sent. ♥ And I am thankful for you!!!

 11/9/2011: Today I am thankful for a new car and the ability to put gas in it so that I can drive to work, trainings, the grocery store, etc...as some people have cars but no gas or no car and no one to help them get around.

11/10/2011: Today I am so thankful for God bringing me into my kiddos' lives! I know they need me and I'm here to love and support them as much as I can. If you have been around me today you have prob heard me saying "I'm not your mother" several time. The truth is that I love them and treat them like I am. Thank you, God for my special kiddos!

11/11/2011: Today I am thankful to all those who are currently or have served our country! I very much realize that freedom is not free and we are lucky to live in this country. Thank you!! Happy Veteran's Day. ♥

11/12/2011: I'm thankful that I woke up, next to my husband, in a warm bed, under a secure roof - as many people do not have a warm bed or a secure roof above them. I am truly thankful for having our basic needs met everyday!

 11/13/2011: Today I am thankful for a very comfortable couch and the right to sleep on it ALL day!

11/14/2011: Today I am thankful for the strength that I have deep, down inside me to get out of my bed everyday. Lord knows it is a challenge and only He knows the pain that I face everyday.

11/15/2011: Today I am thankful for massages!